How Many Goodbyes

They asked us when we would leave.

But they said it with hope and relief. 

They never told us goodbye. They just… watched us leave.

I remember those moments very clearly. I remember climbing into the van wondering why nobody would even look at us.

Kingwood didn’t give us any new relief, either. I had a moment of acceptance.

It just left as soon as it came. Meaning that she turned her back just as quickly as she smiled and said hello.

I came here thinking that I would start over 100%. And, in a way, I did.

Everything changed. Only, nothing changed.

I sat at a park with some friends a couple days ago, drinking our lemonade and coffee and root beer. We talked about things only fellow believers could understand.

It was great.

But it never lasts. What used to be never is anymore. What still is differs from what it used to be.

It’s the same game today as it always is.

What is it about me? Us? I don’t understand.

Sometimes, there is no solution. Sometimes, all there is is trust.

What even is trust?

trust
trəst/
noun
  1. 1.
    firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

 

Lord, help my unbelief.

I have doubts. And insecurities. God doesn’t take them away, but He gives us ways to fight them.

It doesn’t matter how many goodbyes they say or don’t say.

It doesn’t matter how many places I go and the looks are still the same.

Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. His consistency surpasses the world’s inconsistencies.

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